What to Do When Someone You Love is Diagnosed With Cancer

According to the American Cancer Society, three out of every four American families will have at least one family member who is diagnosed with cancer. A cancer diagnosis affects not only the cancer patient, but also their families, friends and coworkers. If you're a caretaker, a spouse, family member or friend of someone diagnosed with cancer, find support from others who understands what you are going through.

A cancer diagnosis can be a real crisis; everything has been turned upside down and you don't know where to turn. There is also a profound feeling of helplessness, of not knowing what to do as you struggle to comprehend your own feelings and, at the same time, provide reassurance and support to your loved one. You may need to be able to help your loved one navigate the maze of details that accompany a cancer diagnosis - finding an oncologist, understanding their treatment options, furnishing health updates to others and managing side effects.

Here are some tips to help you cope when someone you love is diagnosed with cancer:

One way to keep from feeling helpless and overwhelmed is to offer support. Offer to help with practical things such as driving them to treatments or doctors appointments, run errands, babysit, doing housecleaning, gardening, or yard work. Ask them what they are most concerned about not being able to do.
Ask the doctor questions if you accompany your loved one to their appointments.
Be prepared for changes in their behavior and mood. Cancer medications, sickness, and stress can cause your loved one to become depressed or angry.
Encourage them to be as active and independent as possible. This will help your loved one regain a sense of confidence and control over their life.
Be realistic about your own needs. Get enough sleep, eat properly, and take some time off for yourself. It is hard to be of much help when you are exhausted and sick. If you take care of yourself and your needs, it will be easier to meet the needs of your loved one.
Ask other family members and friends for help. They will appreciate the opportunity to help.
Keep a positive attitude.
Accept that there are some things that are out of your control.
Be assertive instead of aggressive. Assert your feelings, opinions, or beliefs instead of becoming angry, combative, or passive.
Fight stress, learn to relax. Exercise regularly.
Give yourself permission to not know the right answers; it is ok if you just listen.
Join a support group for friends and families of cancer patients.

Remember that you are not alone if someone you love is diagnosed with cancer. Help and support are available in many forms. You will likely experience a conflicting range of emotions, including disbelief, denial, anger, relief, worry and even guilt. Fears of mortality, changing family roles, having your own needs met, and uncertainty about the future can surface when someone you love is diagnosed with cancer. These are normal feelings and it may be beneficial to talk with others who are experiencing the same problems.

Read the inspirational story of Randy Pausch, author of The Last Lecture at http://cghub.com/blog/view/disney-pixar-president-to-accept-first-randy-pausch-prize

Randy passed away of pancreatic cancer

Denise Michael

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A Loved One Has Cancer - What Do I Do?

I have had the privilege of speaking to a few people over the past few weeks who have loved ones with cancer. One question that unites them all is, 'How do I treat them? What do I say to them?'

I have been on both sides of the line having been diagnosed with cancer in 2007 and then a year later my mum was also diagnosed with cancer.

Just to give you an insight into my state of mind when I was diagnosed, I was really scared. I was scared for myself and my daughter Laila and for my unborn child. Would I live to see them grow up? Would I be able to continue my pregnancy and hold my second child in my arms? And I was angry. I was angry that I had this disease. Why did it choose me? How could I let this happen? Then came the guilt. As the treatment started and I became less able to do all the things I used to do, the guilt set in. How could I put my family through this? I could see the pain in their eyes. How could I poison my unborn child with the chemotherapy drugs? How could I burden my friends and family with this illness?

It felt to me like I had this ordeal to get through, but it was my ordeal that I had to deal with on my own. No one could do it for me. I felt sad enough for myself without anyone feeling sadness for me. When I was treated with sadness it would completely overwhelm me and I would try my best to avoid such situations. I still do.

These emotions are a snapshot of what may be going on for your loved one who has been diagnosed with cancer. But ultimately I was still a mum and a wife and a daughter and a friend, irrespective of my situation and I was determined to keep being those things for a very long time. It was important to me to maintain as much normality in my life as possible and this had a direct effect on how I wanted to be treated.

For me, 2007 the year I went through my treatment, was a relatively normal year. I did the nursery school run every morning and evening. I cooked food, cleaned the house, nurtured and delivered a baby, did the three hourly feeds through the night, changed nappies, saw friends, worked in the garden and did all of the things that a woman on maternity leave would have been doing with or without cancer.

Of course there were days that I wasn't able to do much at all and on those days I had friends and family there to support me. My partner Laith would do the nursery runs, he would pick me up from the hospital after chemotherapy, make food, change nappies, work from home, whatever was needed to accommodate me. My friends rallied round when I needed help with the children and also when I needed a shoulder to cry on or a good laugh. And my mum left her husband at home for 3 months to come and live with us and take care of me. But it was great just being treated as a friend or mum or daughter or partner, nothing more and nothing less.

My two and a half year old daughter, Laila, didn't really notice that I was ill and that was intentional on my part. It kept the effects of the illness away from her (why should she suffer because of my illness) but it also had a powerful effect on my attitude to the illness and my will to survive. Secondly, there was no time to feel sorry for myself and this was a huge blessing. Its so easy to slip into a negative mindset.

I firmly believe a cancer diagnosis is harder on the friends and family than on the person diagnosed. Of course, it's devastating for the person with cancer but dealing with the day to day effects like hospital appointments and doctors etc is relatively easy. Dealing with the helplessness of watching someone go through the treatments (which can be brutal) is a very hard task.

Cancer is a family disease and as the supportive family member or friend it is important to take care of your self. Take time out to revive your spirits. Then spend quality time with your loved one. Plan on outings around their schedule when they are feeling strong. Appreciate them. Hold their hand and give them hugs.

In a research study on heart disease conducted in Ohio in 1970, where rabbits were fed high cholesterol diets, consistent results were occurring in all the rabbit groups except for one where 60% fewer symptoms were displayed. In trying to understand the outcome, they discovered that the student who fed them was lovingly picking them up and stroking them. These results have been duplicated in numerous other studies and demonstrates the power of touch.

The things I remember about my year of treatment are the surprise night out with a friend, the birth of my daughter, the very well attended surprise birthday party, the sneaky road trip to France, The love and support from friends and family and never being made to feel uncomfortable by people's actions or about the way I looked (without eyebrows and eyelashes or with my wig on) and for that I am extremely grateful.

Your loved one is still the same person he/she was before cancer. Be supportive and kind. Stay upbeat. They need normality in their lives. They need people to be strong around them because they will feed off that strength and it will enable them and empower them to make it through another day or another week, or another month.

For those who don't know me, I really just wanted to introduce myself to you. In brief; I am a mother of two absolutely amazing little girls and a former cancer patient.

I have a loving and supportive family and an amazing network of friends. I have found my calling in life and am following it with great passion and love. I am certainly not scared of the future or angry about my illness and I definitely don't feel guilty about being ill anymore. I have re-engaged with life and am more in touch with who I am and what my purpose is in life than ever before. But that hasn't always been the case.

In 2007 I was diagnosed with breast cancer. At the time I was pregnant with my second daughter; Ruby. You can imagine, this compounded the experience significantly. I spent a year undergoing operations, chemotherapy, childbirth and radiotherapy. At the end of the process my body and spirit were battered and bruised. I had hit rock bottom. I had to find a way out of the darkness or get away from everything I know and love to spare them the fallout.

Fortunately my background and interest lies in human development, and with a lot of self will and amazing support from friends and family, I slowly but surely clawed my way back. My purpose in life is to help people in a similar situation to find themselves again. To re-engage with life and to live life with energy and passion. Do you know somebody who has been diagnosed with cancer who is still hiding from life? For more information go to:

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http://www.cancercoach-nlp.com
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info@cancercoach-nlp.com

Cancer Diagnosis

We all know at least one person who has suffered from cancer; and before all is said and done, at some point in our lives, we too may find that we will be diagnosed with cancer. In terms of what causes cancer, that is anyone's guess. However, there is no doubt that how you take care of your health plays a major role in keeping the diagnosis of cancer within check.

There are many people who spend a lot of time in the sun. For example, my old track and cross country coach used to spend hours in the sun without putting adequate sun block on. In fact, most times, he wouldn't put sunblock on at all; or if he did remember to put sunscreen on, he wasn't diligent about making sure to re-apply it after a few hours. The result? He was diagnosed with skin cancer and had to go in for repeat treatments in which the doctors would graft skin from another part of his body in order to replace the cancerous skin on his face. Now, while this may not seem like such a huge deal, the truth is that any cancer diagnosis should be taken seriously.

If you are out in the sun, make sure that you have sun block on. More importantly, make sure that you apply an even amount of sun block on the parts of your body that will be exposed to the sun's UV rays; and do this at least thirty minutes prior to going outside. You need this time frame so that your body can adequately absorb the sun block into the skin. Do the right thing and make sure that you protect your skin before going out into the sun.

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Leadership and Cancer

When should leaders disclose to their countries that they have cancer? Should they do so when it is in the early stage? Mid-stage? Terminal stage? The recent devastating earthquake in Haiti brought to mind the battle with prostate cancer of its president, Rene Preval. Mr. Preval was first diagnosed in 2001 after having completed his first term as president. After treatment by doctors in Cuba, his cancer was declared "in remission". Following the disastrous administrations of Jean-Bertrand Aristide and Boniface Alexandre, Mr. Preval was persuaded to run for president and was re-elected in 2006 after a contentious and divisive election. Shortly afterward, the newly elected president announced that the cancer had returned and that he would once again travel to Cuba for tests and treatment. Since then, the seriousness of Preval's cancer has been a mystery, with Preval himself saying only that "he feels physically and mentally well".

General David Petraeus, Commander, US Central Command and previous Commanding General, Multi-National Force-Iraq was diagnosed with an early stage of prostate cancer in February of 2009 and underwent two months of successful radiation treatment. The diagnosis and treatment was not made public until October of 2009, because the general and his family considered this a "private matter" and because it "did not interfere with his duties".

Fidel Castro, former President of Cuba, has been rumored to be ill with cancer, but public disclosures only state that he has a "serious illness" and that he is "fighting a great battle" to regain his health.

The reasons for withholding information of cancer diagnosis and treatment of leaders from the public are not complex. In countries that, unlike the United States, have no Constitution that details a line of succession of its leadership, news of a cancer diagnosis can bring about widespread chaos, confusion and, in some cases, coupes and other revolutionary actions. The environment created by such an announcement can become an opportunity for "outside infiltration" by groups seeking to gain a foothold to promote their ideals.

When President Franklin Roosevelt died in 1945, the nation was shocked and in mourning. Grown men literally cried as his body made its way to its final resting place. In today's 24-7 cable news and internet environment, it is difficult for this generation to conceive of a time in which the nation's leader could be in declining health for months and the majority of the American people not know it. But such was the case. Though President Roosevelt did not die from cancer, his death and the succession of Vice President Harry Truman to the presidency demonstrated the resiliency of our Constitution and its provisions that enabled us to avoid the chaos that would have befallen other countries. Had Mr. Roosevelt been president during the information and technological age of today, the same would have been true. Can other countries say the same?

[http://www.cancerwithoutfear.com]

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